dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
