Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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