ya dads aren't the best wingmen
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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