Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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