I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Drunk is not a location!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
