in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
