i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
