I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
