i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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