I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
