Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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