My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just google imaged poop.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
