I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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