does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
