hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
