I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
