I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
