it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
