oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
