Kiss
Puke
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
