Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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