no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
