Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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