Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
