Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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