so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I want to fling myself into the sun
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
