So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
