I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
