i don't like sucking hair
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize