the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
