I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
