I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
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