you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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