I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize