Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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