I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
