What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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