Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
