Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
