i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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