There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i drank out of a bidet.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
