You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
