i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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