can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
