if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
No stitches, just platelets and will power
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
