i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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