if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
it glows. i had to have it.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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