sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
