2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
