I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Girls should come with a carfax report
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
