ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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