Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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