i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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