I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
