You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
