Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
