How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
