3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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