so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
