The best revenge is premature balding
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
