yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
